


and now we are strange

by destiny919



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Padme Realizes She's About To Get Dumped Hard, major character death except not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:07:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25193650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destiny919/pseuds/destiny919
Summary: Obi-Wan's death is faked by the Separatists instead. Anakin's reaction is, somehow, worse.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker (one-sided)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 513





	and now we are strange

**Author's Note:**

> ahsoka: obiwan kenobi found dead in space miami  
> padme: is he alright  
> ahsoka: he's alright but he died
> 
> i deadass almost made that the fic summary but it doesnt really fit the tone
> 
> in case it wasn't clear from the one i did use: instead of the rako hardeen plot, obiwan's death is faked (to whatever end) by the separatists, and the jedi don't know about it, including anakin.
> 
> fic title from "winter" by daughter

"Ani? I didn't know you were back-" Padme started, but Anakin sprinted right by her. She caught half a glimpse of his face twisting in anguish before he was already slamming the door to her bathroom shut and she could hear the sound of the lock clicking.

And then she heard him sob. 

"Ani?" she called, hurrying over and knocking on the door. "Anakin, what's wrong?" He kept sobbing. Horrible, gut-wrenching sounds like she hadn't heard out of him even after his mother died and he confessed what he'd done in revenge. Padme had no idea what to do, and her confusion became even worse when she was suddenly almost driven to her knees by a wave of pain she could barely comprehend in its severity that had to be coming through the Force. Anakin was projecting pure, bloodcurdling agony so strongly that even _ she _ could feel it. And still he did not stop crying. 

Screwing up all her strength against his projections, she hovered outside the bathroom door for several minutes and waited to see if he'd calm down. Eventually the emotions retreated slightly, and she could think and breathe easily again, but that was the only change. 

Finally Padme could take no more and moved into her bedroom, where she grabbed her comm off the end table. This might be a particularly egregious breach of their secret, but she had to find out what had happened. 

Out of some distant instinct, she commed Ahsoka instead of Obi-Wan. 

The young Togruta Jedi appeared in ghostly blue, looking significantly worse for wear. Even over holo, the tear tracks on her face were obvious, and Padme felt dread grip her heart almost as powerfully as she'd felt Anakin's pain. 

"Padme?" Ahsoka croaked, wiping her eyes hastily. "Is - Did Anakin go to your - Is he there?"

"Yes," Padme said. "Ahsoka, what happened?"

Her face crumpled instantly, and she had to take a few deep, shaky breaths before answering. "Master Obi-Wan," she said with some difficulty. "He - there was a mission on Geonosis, and he - "

Ice was swiftly spreading through all of her extremities. This was it. This was the worst case scenario. Not the Separatists winning, or even Anakin himself being killed, but Anakin losing his Master. His world would be utterly shattered, and their relationship with it. 

She had always tried to tell herself that Anakin's connection with his Jedi Master was a fading thing, one that could never compare to what she shared with him despite the haphazard nature of their marriage, but Padme could not suppress the overwhelming evidence that she had been catastrophically wrong. 

After finally being forced to face this reality, Padme found herself with few illusions left regarding her importance in Anakin's life relative to Obi-Wan Kenobi. She knew he loved her - how could she not? - but it was because the nature of their relationship allowed them to have their cake and eat it too. Anakin could have her as an escape while remaining a Jedi, and Padme could indulge in romance and a relationship that was (usually) free of the subterfuge and protocol that dominated every aspect of a Senator's life, without having to actually compromise on anything else in her career. Calling what they had a “marriage” was a sweet lie they told each other, one of many. Likewise, despite Anakin's effusive declarations, on some level she had already known without a doubt that were Anakin actually forced to choose between her and the Jedi - her and Obi-Wan - she would not be the winner. Otherwise he would have left already to be with her openly, war be damned. 

And now, if it came to choosing between her and a dead man, Padme knew she didn't stand even an outside chance. Even this horrible pain he was suffering, the emotions he was projecting and she was unable to reciprocate or offer the slightest comfort in response, was evidence of a bond she could not even hope to comprehend, let alone replicate or replace. 

But Anakin's future remoteness was not the concern at this point. Right now, he was there with her, and Padme had to do what she could. 

"When did this happen?" she asked Ahsoka. "Why isn't it on the holonet already?"

Ahsoka sniffled. "Four days ago. The mission was classified. We just got back to Coruscant less than half an hour ago, and Master left before we even entered our quarters."

The quarters they shared with Obi-Wan, the same ones Anakin had lived in with his Master since he was nine years old. No wonder he'd run away to her apartment, even though her presence hadn't actually been what he sought. 

"What did he do for the past four days?" Padme asked, anticipating anything from the same nonstop sobbing to a murderous rampage through the Separatists. 

"Nothing," Ahsoka whispered, and Padme stilled. "He didn't move or speak or eat until we got back to Coruscant, and then me and Rex had to basically carry him inside. I think running away from the Temple was the first time he'd done anything on his own since Master Obi-Wan - since he - "

She broke off on a sob, and Padme felt bad for questioning the obviously devastated girl. Obi-Wan had been her Master as much as Anakin was, she knew that. Despite the brevity of Ahsoka's relationship with Obi-Wan, she was without a doubt far, far more devastated by this than Padme, second only to Anakin. 

Despite knowing this, Padme had one more question. "How did it happen?" she said quietly. "Was Anakin there?"

"It was Count Dooku," Ahsoka said with sudden venom, before her voice broke again. "Anakin was there - he saw it - but he...he was too far away to do anything. When Master Obi-Wan - went down - Anakin almost brought the entire warehouse down on our heads. The whole building was shaking. But he wasn't even moving. It was just - "

"His pain expressing itself through the Force," Padme said. "He - a whole warehouse?"

Ahsoka nodded. "A big one."

She pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes. "What should I do, Ahsoka? He's here, he - he came to me. But he's locked himself in my bathroom and won't respond when I call to him. I," she faltered, "I could feel his- his pain. I'm Force-blind, but he..."

"He was projecting that powerfully?" Her eyes widened. "I can feel it, too, but we have a bond. I shared one with him and," Ahsoka's voice broke, "and Master Obi-Wan."

"Can you reach him right now?" Padme asked, trying not to feel jealous that it was even a possibility for the young Padawan. 

Ahsoka shook her head. "He's blocking me. He has been since it happened. The fact that I can still feel anything from him is even more proof of how intensely he's hurting. Master Obi-Wan would have been able to get through no matter what," she added bitterly. "Anakin almost never blocked him, anyway."

She didn't know that. 

Padme swallowed and looked to the practical. "Has he had anything to drink in the past few days?" If he hadn't and he was crying this much, she could get into the bathroom to find him half-dead from dehydration. 

"Yeah. He wouldn't eat but me and Rex managed to make him drink water. I practically had to pour it down his throat," Ahsoka said miserably. "He barely even responded to it. Our chief medic said Anakin was - he was catatonic."

"And he only snapped out of it when you tried bringing him to your quarters," Padme said.

"He must have sensed Master Obi-Wan's Force presence in it still, and it - it freaked him out or galvanized him or whatever enough that he ran away to your place."

"I'm glad he did," Padme said quietly. "No matter how little I can do for him. I doubt the other Jedi would be very forgiving of his state."

Ahsoka laughed humorlessly. "No, I don't think so either. If he was projecting powerfully enough that  _ you _ felt it, he might have brought the whole Temple down. Like he did that warehouse."

"You said he  _ almost _ brought it down," Padme said sharply. 

She looked a little sheepish. "On our  _ heads.  _ The place collapsed as soon as I got us out of there. I think Anakin would have just..." Her arms wrapped tightly around her ribs, hugging herself. "I think Anakin would have just stood there and let it crush him if I hadn’t."

If Padme weren't already on the edge of the bed, she would have sat down on it, hard. "What do I  _ do,"  _ she said, rhetorically more than anything, as she doubted Ahsoka, smart and talented and connected to Anakin as she was, had any better ideas.

Sure enough the Padawan was quiet for a few long minutes. "Try to make sure he doesn't hurt himself," she said finally. "I'm - I have to debrief with the Council, and I'll make excuses for him. Is it okay if I come over to your apartment after that?"

"Of course," Padme said, trying not to let the profundity of her gratitude in that moment show. She was massively out of her depth. She suspected the only person who might not have been was Obi-Wan himself. 

Perhaps it wasn't good to feel so jealous of a dead man, but Padme had never claimed to be perfect. 

**Author's Note:**

> i miiiiiiight continue this. i have some ideas. ahsoka coming to padme's apartment, for instance.
> 
> [blog](https://tarvek-sturmvoraus.tumblr.com/)


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